I’m realising my comment about the ‘illusion of the stoic man‘ warrants a bit of elaboration, lest I unintentionally offend someone.

The key part of that phrase that I want to highlight is ‘stoic,’ which Google tells me means “a person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining.“

My view is it’s simply not possible to avoid showing feelings. They express themselves and influence our behaviour whether we choose to let them or not, and whether we are conscious of them or not.

It’s not necessarily that we are visually exuberant or audibly distraught. It can be far more nuanced and subtle. Likewise, they can morph into totally different emotions. To paraphrase Yoda: ‘Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hatred; and hatred leads to suffering.’

When we mask, detach, or repress our emotions, they will inevitably surface in other areas. Crucially, this can lead to unhealthy behaviours that harm our family, friends, and even complete strangers. Toxic masculinity, for example, isn’t borne from a vacuum, it festers long before it’s ever truly visible.

Finding healthy ways to express ourselves is utterly important, for ourselves and for other people.